The Missed Moment

Here we are, having coffee at the exact table where we’d write messages on napkins, suggest songs to listen to, find reasons to talk under the guise of casual cigarette breaks and pretend to study. I can’t believe it’s been years. Looking at her now, one moment kept playing in my head, a moment that happened three years ago.

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I knew she was secretly staring at me. Through her sunglasses, I can feel her gaze. She wants to say something and is finding it hard to start, being adorably cute that way. To end her misery, I looked up, and met her implied gaze.  “What?”

She found her opening, took no time and ranted, “I don’t understand why I, someone who has so much love to give, cannot seem to find someone to give my love to.” She closed her book and looked at me expectantly. I know that “wide-eyed” look, it’s her signature expression when she needs me to do something for her. At this point it was clear that she wanted me to give her the explanation to such an obviously silly question.  But there was a sense of urgency in her tone, it sounded like answering it was the most important thing in the world.

“Don’t worry. For all you know, he’s just around, waiting for you to figure it out.” I lit my nth cigarette for the evening, taking my cue. She dictates our breaks. But she wouldn’t admit that, she’d always come up with lines like,

“Hey, you don’t have to stop studying ha?” And she lit a stick too, further demonstrating the lack of sincerity in her disclaimer. “Anyway, eh, where is HE? SERIOUSLY? I think there’s a CONSPIRACY here. A lot of my friends, the really caring and loving ones are single. It’s like the universe is sending the message that well, WE  are not ENOUGH. I AM NOT ENOUGH.” She was waving her hands methodically, aiming to emphasize the words “conspiracy, I  and enough.

“You are a drama queen.  And believe me, you are more than enough. “She rolled her eyes and started to type on her laptop. Later that night, I’d read a blog entry that says,

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I have it all figured out. Why haven’t you?

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Looking back, I still am left wondering why I didn’t just hold her highlighter-busy hand and say, “To ME, you are more than enough,”

“You missed the moment.” I heard her say.

Startled, I asked, “Ha?”

“I just told you I’m engaged! You missed the moment!” Faking a “hurt expression”, she was smiling and pouting, oblivious to what was going through my mind. “You probably don’t remember, but three years ago, a wise man told me that I’m more than enough. I believed him. And so, here I am. Happy.”

“That was so wise of that wise man.”


So foolish of that foolish heart.